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Nas - Composure feat. Hit-Boy (Official Audio)

I don't know if there's any significant knowledge I can add to the breadth of awareness that is collected among 44-years-olds, but I'll try.

I was born at William Beaumont Army Medical Center, El Paso, Texas, where the nurses finish cleaning up the babies after birth with a promptness to an error.  They left a bit of afterbirth material in my nostrils and eyes in their rush to move on to other births, so quickly so, that after doctors realized and removed it six months later, the effects made my vision imperfect and my breathing easily congested.  To this day, I have extra, hidden "pockets" in the back of my throat that sometimes collect unneeded allergens and the like that probably were spawned from that time.

These days, as a teacher and not an astronaut (didn't have the perfect vision required), I spout my lessons loudly and use glasses as expected.  I do look better without them, but I can't see things nearby otherwise.  Occasionally, things still get caught up in my throat and I have to dislodge them as quietly as I can in the classroom, or loudly if at home.  But I've adjusted to these things as others do to their own particular circumstances, and I think I've adjusted well.

Composure is a way of holding yourself together in spite of the circumstances, a way of remaining dignified in undignified settings.  I was born to a loving, open family who nurtured my every need with an abundance of love and care and a steadfast diligence that comes with a single-mother home reinforced by a multitude of family backup, albeit in the mist of low middle-income surroundings.  I never really knew how such elements might cause adverse affects in my upbringing because the strength of will from my mother and the fortitude to strive for excellence from my grandmother and grandfather buoyed my existence.  They geared me for excellence in life beyond the reach of circumstances and the limitations of racial/socio-economic status in the 1980's USA .

I was a very lucky little boy growing up.  My father's family was always involved in my coming up in the world as I claimed academic award after award due to my mother's unaltering forward push and the expectations of my grandparents all around.  My father himself, in his own thinking, did his best to support me too, though he'd never acknowledge his "weekend-ness" in commitment.  These days, for my daughter's sake, I try to make the most of his better qualities to enrich her relationship with her Grandpa, just as my own relationship with his father was so simple and purely magical.  She deserves that and not my own experiences of his shadows and heaviness.

I try to be the light where his shade left absence, for her.  Similarly, I try to work at my loving marriage because you MAKE love work, one day at a time.  It's usually not that hard, just involving a dedication and faith in the other partner and a trust with your own life in their hands to the point where it's not even in question.  I know this is much easier said than done, but I'm committed to enriching my bond with my wife as much as she is toward me.  We now buoy one other.  In the totality of love, again, my mother taught me well.

I'm no genius, but I do know a thing or two about life now.  It's not as hard as everyone thinks and it's even easier when your familia is with you every step of the way.  They make your word stronger as a "man of your word" becomes a pillar of strength for all.  What you say and do in effect ripple into their lives and echo rhythms into their hearts that will pulse for many years.  Just as I will never forget the good and bad sides of my own father, they won't forget mine either.  For them as well as for my own best reach, I strive to be a better man for the future.  I know in my heart I won't let them down.

August 11,2021